SUMMARY: Those pesky telemarketers, they're everywhere.

CODES: VOY

RATING: PG13

DISCLAIMER: Um, they're certainly not mine.

NOTES: I was rudely awakened at 9:30 this morning (Saturday) by a credit card company. Needless to say, I was not particularly happy.

"Have I Got an Offer for You"
by Liz VanZandt

"Captain, I have a hail coming in from the surface," Ensign Harry Kim announced. Voyager was currently in orbit around the peaceful planet of Loki, undergoing trade and repairs. So far the Loki had been a gracious and helpful people.

"The minister of trade?" Captain Kathryn Janeway asked, looking up from the science station where she was going over the upcoming sector with Tom Paris in preparation for their expected departure from Loki at the end of the week.

Kim shook his head. "It's not originating from the palace."

Janeway sighed, reaching for her cup of coffee. "Very well, put it up."

Turning to the main viewscreen in the front of the bridge, Janeway waited for a second until the smiling visage of a local businessman appeared. He had six arms like the other Loki Janeway had met, and was dressed in a lavender suit that was shiny like satin. The man flashed her a smile that could only be described as greasy, his white teeth shining. "Ah, Captain Janeway, how are you today?"

"I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage, Mr. ..."

"N'Ruig, Abwega N'Ruig," the Loki's smile grew even wider, if that was even possible.

Janeway glanced over her shoulder to see her first officer, Chakotay, step off the turbolift, the latest version of the trade agreement in his hand. "Well, Mr. N'Ruig, what can I do for you today?" she asked, taking as sip of coffee, holding out her hand to accept the PADD from Chakotay.

"Today is you lucky day, Captain," N'Ruig began. "I am calling to offer you a credit account at the First Ruidian Bank of Loki. Your account offers you a stupendous credit line that is good at most every merchant on Loki, as well as the security of knowing that your money is safer that ever."

A smile tugged at the corner of Janeway's lips as she struggled to keep a straight face. She studiously kept her gaze trained away from her first officer, because she knew that if she were to look at him, she would most certainly lose it completely. "I'm afraid I'll have to decline your gracious offer, Mr. N'Ruig. Voyager will only be in orbit for a few more days."

"Yes, but while you are here you could greatly benefit from a First Ruidian account. We offer great rates and --"

"Mr. N'Ruig, thank you for your offer, but my answer is no." She turned and motioned for Kim to cut the link. As soon as the Loki's visage had disappeared, she let out a sigh. "Seventy thousand light years and I still can't get away from telemarketers."

Chakotay had a mischievous look on his face and was trying hard not to laugh out loud. "It is your fault, Captain, you answered the hail."

Janeway just scowled at him.

"Captain, I have another hail coming in, this time for Commander Chakotay," Kim announced.

Still smirking, Chakotay nodded for the young Ops officer to display the message. In front of the bridge, another Loki appeared, this one dressed in bright green, with black hair slicked back on his head. "Commander Chakotay?"

"Yes," Chakotay replied, stepping forward.

"Commander, my name is Lepanga S'Fra and I am conducting a random survey. If you could take a few minutes to answer a few questions ..."

Next to him, Janeway grinned, tapping the PADD in her hand playfully against his shoulder. "Have fun, Commander," she said cheerfully, disappearing into the ready room.

The End

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