SUMMARY: Just what are those strange noises coming from the Captain's quarters that Tom is finding so interesting?

CODES: VOY, J/C (implied), P/T

RATING: R, just to be on the safe side

DISCLAIMER: They're Paramount's characters, but ...

NOTES: PWP warnings apply. This one gets blamed on the snow that has forced me inside for most of the week and therefore I've watched way too many commercials.

"Herbal Essences"
by Liz VanZandt

"B'Elanna, you have to come check this out," Tom Paris whined into his commbadge. "No one will believe me without you to back me up."

He heard B'Elanna sigh. "What is it that I have to check out?"

"You won't believe me if I tell you," he said.

"Why not?"

Tom sighed. He hated B'Elanna's stubborn nature sometimes. "Fine, there are some really interesting noises coming from the Captain's quarters."

"Oh yeah," she replied sarcastically. "Like what? Someone taking a shower?"

"Well if she is taking a shower, she sure isn't alone. She sounds too excited for that."

"Excited?" B'Elanna said doubtfully. "Tom, didn't she and Chakotay just finish a double shift each? She's probably happy to be off duty and the prospect of a hot shower on tired muscles is too good to pass up. I could go for one myself about now."

"No, B'Elanna," Tom shook his head even though he knew she couldn't see him. "Those were decidedly moans of pleasure and shouts of 'yes' that I heard. You can't tell me you get that excited by hot water."

"There's one simple way to check, Tom. Computer, what is Commander Chakotay's current location?"

"Commander Chakotay is in his quarters," came the computer's reply.

"See," B'Elanna said triumphantly. "They're not doing it in the Captain's shower, so you have nothing for me to verify."

"That doesn't prove anything, B'El," Tom argued. "The computer locates the commbadge, not the person. Both the Captain and Chakotay know that. He could have left his commbadge in his quarters to avoid being found out."

"You're grasping at straws, Tom," she replied. "Now would you please let me get back to my work? I have a lot to finish before I go off duty."

"Fine," Tom threw his hands up in resignation. "I'll get Harry to drop by, and then maybe you'll believe me."

* * *

Next door, Kathryn Janeway stepped out of her shower with a big grin. She looked over at the new bottle of shampoo she'd found in the database. It was something called 'Herbal Essences.' When she and Chakotay had come across the old television commercial, it had planted a wicked little idea in her head for paybacks for her pilot.

She gave a little laugh at how she must have sounded. "Let's see what you do with this one, Tom."

The End

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