SUMMARY: When Nathan develops amnesia, Kristin has trouble coping.

CODES: SQ, B/W

RATING: PG

DISCLAIMER: As always, Amblin owns the characters, I'm just borrowing them.

NOTES: For the story to make any sense, imagine that Kristin and Nathan have been together for a little while and only a few people on board know.

"Lest I Forget"
by Liz VanZandt

Nathan Bridger opened his eyes to the sound of his PAL beeping. He leaned over and turned the lights on before grabbing it from where it lay next to his bed. "Bridger."

"I'm sorry to wake you, Captain," Jonathan Ford's disembodied voice said over the PAL, "but there's a distress call coming from a submarine about half an hour south of here. They say that they've been attacked by another sub."

Bridger rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "Lay in a course and proceed, Commander, I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Aye, sir. Out"

Bridger put the PAL down and carefully got out of bed, trying not to disturb the woman sleeping next to him.

Kristin Westphalen rolled over as he got up. "Is there a problem?" she asked groggily.

"Just duty calling again. Go back to sleep," he replied and bent down to kiss her. Bridger then pulled on his jumpsuit and left for the bridge.

Kristin rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. After a few minutes she realized this was useless, and turned the light back on. She grabbed a book from by the bed and sat up to read.

* * *

"Status," Nathan Bridger called out as he entered the bridge.

The ship's XO, Commander Ford, turned and walked over to him. "We're on course toward the coordinates given by the distress call. ETA, twenty minutes."

"Good. Mr. O'Neill?"

Tim O'Neill turned around at his station. "Distress call originated from a ship called the Pandora, registered out of Vanuatu in Macronesia. Aggressor unknown, fired with no warning or provocation. The Pandora has sustained heavy damage and doesn't know how much longer she can last."

"All right. Commander, when we get closer I want battle stations manned."

"Aye, sir."

"Mr. Ortiz."

"Sir?"

"I want to know about this sub the minute you can identify her."

"Aye, sir."

Bridger sat down in his chair. This could be a long night, he thought to himself.

* * *

Kristin Westphalen had just stepped out of the shower when the alarm went off signaling everyone to their battle stations. She hurriedly put on some clothes and grabbed her PAL from next to Bridger's before leaving for the bridge. About half way there, she heard the announcement to brace for the collision from an incoming torpedo. Moments later the entire ship rocked back and forth. Kristin managed to keep her footing and almost instantly heard her name over the intercom.

"Doctor Westphalen to the bridge immediately. Doctor Westphalen to the bridge."

Kristin took off in a run for the bridge. When she entered, the first thing to catch her eye was Ford and Hitchcock leaning over a prone body laying on the floor. As she neared, Kristin's heart dropped at who the body on the floor was -- Bridger.

"What the hell happened?" she demanded, leaning down to check the vitals.

"I want a firing solution on that sub NOW!" Ford yelled. "Captain Bridger was standing by the navigation table and when the torpedo hit he was thrown back. I think his head hit the chair knocking him unconscious."

"He's still breathing but I need to get him to Medbay now," Kristin said.

"Torpedoes are loaded and ready, Commander," Phillips called out.

"I have a firing solution," Ortiz said.

"He just fired two more torpedoes, Commander."

"Launch countermeasures."

Hitchcock rushed over to her station. "Countermeasures away."

Ford turned back to Westphalen and Bridger for a moment. "Krieg, get the Captain to Medbay."

"Aye, sir," Krieg said picking up Bridger's prone body and rushing off the bridge with Westphalen following.

"First torpedo homing in on countermeasures," Ortiz said. "Second torpedo has the countermeasures ... and lost them. It's heading in, Commander."

"Brace for collision," Ford replied, and the ship again rocked as the torpedo hit. "Fire."

"We have two direct hits on the other submarine, sir. She's going down," Ortiz said after righting himself.

"Chief Crocker, take a security detail and get a launch to each of the subs to pick up any survivors."

"Aye, sir," Crocker said leaving the bridge. "Security teams alpha and bravo to launch bay ..."

Ford turned to Hitchcock next. "Damage report, Commander."

Hitchcock punched a few buttons and checked her screen. "We're taking on water, E-deck, sections thirty through thirty-five."

"Lock it off."

"Already done."

"All right. The bridge is yours, Commander."

"Aye, sir," Hitchcock acknowledged as Ford left the bridge.

* * *

Nathan Bridger opened his eyes to see a teenager staring down at him.

"Doctor!" the boy yelled. "Doctor! He's awake!"

Nathan saw a pretty redhead in a white lab coat enter his view. "Nathan, how do you feel?"

"Confused, and my head is throbbing. Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course," she replied trying to hide the concerned look that crossed her face.

"Who am I, and where am I?"

The redhead and the boy exchanged a worried look before the boy replied. "You're Captain Nathan Bridger, head of the seaQuest, which is where you are right now, in Medbay."

"Do I know both of you?"

"I'm Lucas, and this is Doctor Kristin Westphalen."

Just then a third person entered Nathan's view, a young black man in a black jumpsuit. "How is he, Doctor?"

Kristin gave him a look and then turned back to Nathan. "I'm going to get you something for the pain in your head. I'll be right back."

She walked to the other side of the room and Ford followed her. "I take it he's not good," Ford said.

"No, he has a concussion that needs to be watched closely, and I think he may have amnesia as well. Full or partial I can't tell without a CAT scan, but with his reaction to things, it seems most definitely like amnesia."

"How are you doing?"

She smiled at the question. Ford was one of only three people on board who knew of her relationship with Bridger. "I'm OK for now. But it's hard to see him like that, especially not knowing who I am."

"I'm sure he'll remember eventually, Doctor."

"I hope so," she said, picked up some pills and a glass of water and walked back to Bridger. "Here, why don't you sit up and take these. They'll help with the pain." She helped him sit up in the bed.

"Thank you." He took the pills and looked around. "Lucas has been telling me about my life and who I am. Unfortunately I can't seem to remember much of it. I wish I could."

"Give it some time. It should eventually come back to you little by little," Kristin said comfortingly. "Now, I have to go check on some other patients, but I'll come back later and see how you're doing."

"I'd like that," Nathan said with a smile. "I'll be waiting." Kristin turned and left the room. "She's pretty," Nathan said to Lucas after she left.

"Yes, she is," was all Lucas could think of in response.

* * *

A few hours later Kristin sat down at her desk to finish the log for the day. She'd only been awake for a little while compared to usual, but was completely exhausted and drained. Kristin heard a knock at the door and looked up to see Lucas standing there. "Come in," she said. "How's Nathan doing?"

"He's resting now, but he wanted to know why the pretty redheaded doctor never came back to check on him."

"I just can't bear to see him like that, especially knowing he doesn't remember anything about us."

"Do you think it's easy for any of us? Doctor, I think he knows that there's something between the two of you, and it's driving him crazy trying to remember what it is. It might do him good to know about your relationship."

"You're probably right, but it's just so hard."

"Put yourself in his shoes, Doc. If you were the one who couldn't remember a thing, would you want the Captain to tell you about your relationship?" He could see she had no response to that. "It's not easy, I know. I'm not sure what my response would be." He stood up to leave. "Well, I'm going to get something to eat and get some sleep. You should do the same, Doc."

"Yeah. Lucas," he turned around, "thanks."

"No problem, Doctor."

Kristin finished her entry in the log and stood up. She ran her fingers through her hair, pulling back any loose strands and left the room. She checked on the other injuries sustained early. From his bed in the corner, Bridger watched her making her rounds. There's something familiar about her, but I just can't remember. As he watched, Bridger noticed a gold locket around her neck and sensed that it was important, but he wasn't sure why.

"Are you feeling any better?" Kristin asked coming over to Bridger's bed.

"My head feels a little better, but I still can't remember much of anything. Mostly I only know what Lucas has told me."

"Well, you took quite a hit earlier, I'm not surprised your brain seems jumbled right now. The odds are very good that you'll get most of your memory back."

"I certainly hope so, I don't like this feeling of not knowing."

Kristin smiled. "You never were good at that."

"Doctor, I get the feeling you know quite a bit about me. Would you care to share some of that knowledge?"

"Tell you what, tomorrow, after I've finished taking care of the other patients, we'll have a long talk about you, OK? But now, I think we both could use some rest, so why don't you lay down and get some sleep."

"Promise we'll talk tomorrow?"

"I promise, now go to sleep. Doctor's orders."

"All right. I'll see you tomorrow then," Bridger said with a smile.

"Tomorrow." Kristin met his gaze for the first time all day. Finally she tore herself away and left. Bridger watched her go, smiling.

* * *

"Doctor, do you mind if we join you?" Kristin looked up from her dinner to see Katie Hitchcock and Jonathan Ford standing over her.

"No, go right ahead," Kristin replied motioning to the other chairs. They put their trays on the table and sat down.

"Is the Captain doing any better?" Katie asked after a minute.

"He has a fair sized lump on the back of his head and still doesn't remember anything. Otherwise, he seems fine."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. Tired, but I'll be all right."

"Are you sure?" Jonathan asked. "You looked pretty shaken earlier."

Kristin forced a weak smile. "It's hard knowing he doesn't recognize me, or remember anything about us. I'm just hoping his memory comes back soon."

Katie put her hand on Kristin's, "We're all hoping that. If there's anything you need, someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, we're here. Don't hesitate to ask."

"Thank you, but I'm fine. Really, I am." She smiled. "It's nice of you to offer, though."

"Just remember the old proverb, Kristin. No man is an island. You shouldn't have to handle this alone."

"I know. There's nothing any of us can do to restore his memory right away. We can only try to remind him of the past and hope something triggers the memories. I'll be fine. And I know where to find you if I do need something, OK? Right now, I think I'm going to try and get some sleep."

"That's a good idea," Katie agreed. "I think we can all use some."

* * *

Kristin turned the lights on in her cabin and closed the door behind her. She immediately went to the bathroom and took a hot shower. The hot water pounding her helped relieve some of the tension raking her body. She put on her favorite sea green negligee and sat down on her bed. At that point the dam broke and the tears poured out from her eyes. She wanted nothing more than to run to Nathan's arms and have him just hold her, but that was impossible tonight, and knowing it made her cry even harder.

Kristin woke hours later and shaking off the residual effects of her dream, felt for a warm body laying next to her on the bed. Feeling no one, she suddenly remembered the events of the past day, and the tears welled up in her eyes. She got up and looked in the mirror, only to see bloodshot eyes from crying herself to sleep. Her heart ached knowing she had to go face a man she loved, but who could not remember anything about her.

She splashed some cold water on her face in an effort to wake up, and then pulled on jeans and a sweater and pulled her hair back into her ever present ponytail.

Walking into the Officer's Mess, she poured a cup of coffee and found an empty table in the back of the room. Moments later Lucas entered and made a beeline for the same table.

"Morning, Doctor. Care if I join you?"

"No, in fact, I'd appreciate it if you would, Lucas."

"Something troubling you, Doc?"

"Kind of. I didn't have a great night last night and it's got me worried."

"It's perfectly normal to feel that way with Captain Bridger like he is. Did you talk to him last night like I suggested?"

"No, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I told him we would talk today. I needed to think through what to tell him."

"And you still don't know, do you?"

"No, I'm just at a loss for words."

"Well, I can't say it for you, it's something you have to say on your own, but I do know you have to tell him sooner or later."

"And what if he never remembers, what if he decides he doesn't really love me? How do I handle that?"

"Doctor, he still loves you, that's never gonna change. I can tell from the way he looked at you and asked about you yesterday that he knows there's something between you. Even with no memory of you he's attracted to you. If it were up to me, I'd tell him. But, it's your decision."

"Not an easy decision though."

"Is there such a thing?" Lucas pondered.

Kristin laughed. "Thanks, Lucas."

"No problem."

* * *

"Feeling any better today?" Kristin said entering the room.

"My head has stopped pounding, but the memory's still no good. How are you today, Doctor?" Nathan replied.

"A little better. And it's Kristin."

"Kristin," he tried the word out. "Is that what I called you before?"

"Usually, yes."

"Than that's what I'll call you now. Kristin. Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Did I have ... feelings for you?"

Kristin pulled a chair over to the bed and sat down. "Yes, you did."

"And you felt the same way?"

"Yes, I loved you -- I still do love you."

"So we were lovers?"

"Yes, we cared very much for each other. That's why it's hard for me to sit here and see you like this."

"I can tell." He reached out and took her hand. "The necklace you wear, did I give that to you?"

She fingered the locket around her neck. "Yes, when we first became involved you gave it to me as a present. I've worn it ever since."

"Tell me how we met."

"You were aboard the seaQuest as an observer. I had an argument with Commander Ford about military versus science aboard the boat and you interrupted our conversation. Then, when you took over as captain of the seaQuest, we became friends."

"But I didn't want to take our relationship any further because of my wife, right?"

Kristin looked surprised. "Yes. How did you know?"

"Lucas told me I had been married but my wife had passed away. I just reasoned the rest from there."

"Oh, I thought maybe you had remembered it."

"Maybe I did. Tell me more."

"Well, you have quite an interest in science and used to spend a lot of time helping me with research. We became good friends. Um, when the ship was in dry-dock for a maintenance checkup we spent some time together and you were finally able to overcome your sense of loyalty to Carol. Since then, we've been more than just friends."

"Would you take me to my cabin, Kristin. Something there might trigger my memory."

"Of course. Let me just tell the nurse where we're going."

* * *

Kristin pushed the door to the cabin open and Bridger walked in. She could see him concentrating hard, trying to remember anything as he looked around the room.

"What's that?" he asked, pointing to the table at the center of the room.

"A hologram. It's a program meant to give advice and extra information when you need it."

"Oh." He walked over to the dresser in the corner and pulled out a drawer. It was filled with underwear and socks so he closed it and opened the next one below it. This one contained Kristin's things. He pulled out the red and black teddy on top. "This was my birthday present to you."

Kristin turned around and stared at him. "How did you know that?"

"I don't know. Looking at it I just ... remembered the night. We had dinner at a French restaurant, and then we went to see ... The Miracle Worker. Afterwards we ... well ..."

"Nathan!" Kristin threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. "Do you remember anything else?"

His brow scrunched up as he tried to think. "No," a wicked smile crossed his lips, "but maybe another kiss would help me remember."

"You're evil," Kristin proclaimed as her lips met his again.

* * *

"Unfortunately, I still have large holes in my memory, but I do remember most things," Nathan Bridger said. He looked around the table at his senior staff. "Doctor Westphalen informs me that I'm healthy enough to return to limited duty and that eventually the rest of my memory should come back."

"That's excellent news, sir," Jonathan Ford said. The rest of the group echoed his sentiments. "It's been strange not having you hanging around pestering us this last week."

"For now I'll only be around to pester you for short periods of time, but you can be sure I'll be around when it counts."

"Attention, Captain to the bridge. Commander to the bridge," O'Neill said through the intercom.

"What is it Mr. O'Neill?" Bridger asked.

"I have an emergency call coming through for you from Admiral Noyce. Shall I pipe it through to the ward room?"

"Yes, Mr. O'Neill." Bridger turned to the screen on the wall. 'I guess it's back to business as usual,' he thought to himself as the figure of Secretary General Noyce appeared on the screen. "Bill, what can I do for you today?"

The End

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